Teaching children to recognize and deal with threats without scaring them is a dilemma for parents. Without the tools to be able to communicate with your child, the fear of them being abducted can be overwhelming. "Be Careful" and "Don't Go With Strangers" Isn't Enough! Most offenses against children, including abduction and sexual offenses, are committed by people that they know. Recognizing this fact, don’t go overboard with fear of strangers — those may be the very people the child has to turn to for help. A more productive emphasis should be on how to identify trusted guides. Trusted Guides are other people who can help and are probably safe. Police officers, especially at a crime scene, firefighters at a fire, or doctors at a hospital are usually safe to ask for help. Why People Don't Talk To Their Children: The Myths It will frighten them but still not make them safe. They will feel like they can't trust anyone! I can't tell them how to protect themselves. The Truth Children have a keen sense of intuition and can recognize dangerous situations, but need to be given guidance about what's safe and what's not. Once you help them to understand the difference, a child can begin to make decisions regarding their safety. You can help them understand that they can protect themselves, and that the world does not have to be a scary place. Step 1: Explain The Danger. Parents often tell children, "Don't go with strangers". This is vague and doesn’t help children protect themselves. Most abductions are by relatives anyway! Better advice would be "if you are lost or need help sometimes it’s okay to ask strangers for assistance, but strangers shouldn’t be asking you for help or to go with them. Usually you should not go somewhere with strangers unless you need their help in an emergency." Step 2: Who Is A Stranger? A stranger is anyone who is a stranger to you. Make an agreement regarding who is safe to go with, and that they must say NO! to anyone else, no matter what! Teach your child to stay at least arms length away from a stranger who approaches them. Step 3: Don't Be Polite! Parents teach children to be "polite"; they should also teach that it's OK to be assertive and not talk to strangers. Adults should ask adults for help, not children. Step 4: Home and Phone Safety. Decide if your child is old enough to answer the door or phone when no adult is home. Never answer probing questions over the phone or at the door, call a parent. Teach 911 procedures. Step 5: Make A Code Word. Teach the child a code word. If a visitor comes to get them, the visitor must know the code word, or the child should not go with them. Step 6: Pick Their Routes. Avoid alleys, wooded areas, parking lots and spontaneous shortcuts. Choose areas where anything out of the ordinary would be noticed by neighbors, business owners, pedestrians, etc. Step 7: Identify Trusted Adults. Pick stores, schools, churches, and homes of safe neighbors or homes with Block Home signs along their routes. Make sure your child knows these "safe places" that they should go if they need help. Remember, it’s generally safer if the child picks the adult! Step 8: NO!-GO-TELL. If approached by somebody who is scary, or who asks them to do something that seems wrong, a child should yell NO! then GO immediately to a trusted adult and TELL what happened. Try some Role Plays: They are lost in a store and a stranger offers help. (Ask a cashier for help). A stranger: offers them candy, or to go see a puppy. (Don’t go with or accept gifts from strangers unless you really need their help. Ask the stranger to call the police, or to call your parents). says there was an emergency and the child should go with them. (Ask for code word). asks your child for help carrying something/asks direction. (Adults ask adults for help). Have a friend participate, have your child GO and TELL. Reward and coach your child. Step 9: What If The Worst Happens. If a child is screaming, a passerby may think it's a child having a tantrum, but fail to recognize an abduction. Children who are victims of attempted abduction should repeatedly yell "HELP! I DON’T KNOW THIS PERSON! I’M BEING KIDNAPPED!" Children have been saved by doing this! Be sure your child knows that resistance -- yelling, kicking, scratching, biting, is acceptable under these circumstances. Depending on the age of your child, encourage them to remember details: vehicle description or model, appearance of the person involved, what was said, etc. Call the Police immediately. Please teach your children.